here i am putting together all this infrastructure, and i still don't know what i'm building. probably it's just a bunch of disjointed parts i'm going to ultimately be disappointed with.
self-fulfilling prophecies aside, it has been pleasant. i remember going through a book on glamours, and not feeling like any of the initial introspective tasks resonated in the slightest. i didn't want to go sit in a forest and write a poem. i wasn't going to find answers in the whisper of a stream.
... but maybe this is kind of the same thing. just a different kind of quiet space.
i don't know.
but it's the closest i've gotten to re-defining any part of who i want to be, so that's something. probably.